How to get rid of grief when the person you love dies

How to get rid of grief when the person you love dies

The very first way to get rid of grief when the person you love dies is to control your thought,to calm oneself,not to be disturbed by emotion like grief including fear,anger,worries and so forth.  The most effective way to control the thought is meditation,it will protect you from getting hurt by  yourself,it's the way to observe your breathing,when you are breathing in you know all the time or almost all the time you are breathing in,when you are breathing out you know all the time or almost all the time you are breathing out.To keep doing this continuously 10 minutes,20 minutes, 30 minutes,you will be calm,you will feel the peace from your breath and you will feel it throughout the body.To do meditation,from the beginning you can start from 5 minutes,then,increase the time to 10,15,20,30 minutes respectively,whatsoever.If meditation is somethings new to you,you have to take time to do it bit by bit,everyday,and you will get used to it and you will feel happiness from that,it's the way to divert your thought from clinging to the grief or  sorrow to happiness and joyfulness from meditation.
The lay people in Buddhism will have 5 precepts for everyday life,to control themselves not to problems oneself and others.
The 5 precepts are no killing,no stealing,no misconduct,no telling a lie,no alcohol.And on Buddhist holidays,the will upgrade 5 precepts to 8 precepts,that will help them to be independent to the materials,not to be the slaves of materials,nor the slaves of themselves,nor the slaves of their own delusion.To have 8 precepts they will add more precepts like no dinner-after 12 o'clock until the next morning,they will eat nothing but drinking water,some juice,some tea and so on.No singing nor dancing nor playing music,no cosmetics nor makeup,no laying on the very large and thick and very comfortable mattress,in stead,laying on the simple and thin mattress and no sex.
8 precepts is the way to practice oneself,to educate  oneself,to be independent from sensual pleasures,not to be dependent to sensual pleasures.It's the good way to train body and mind.To control the mind is not easy,so you can control your mind through your body by practicing 8 precepts. After you can control your body and mind properly,you can control you grief properly,too.
Naturally,to do renunciation to the satisfactoriness is easier to do renunciation to he unsatisfactoriness,so you have to start to refrain from somethings satistisfied first and ,then,something unsatisfied.
To meditate,you can control the grief temporarily,when you do no meditation,the grief will grow again,to get rid of grief completely or more deeply and permanently,Buddhism suggest the people to do vipassana.
Vipassana is the way to observe oneself when  he has the contact with the surroundings through ears,eyes,nose,mouth,body,thought.
When the objects contact with our eyes,like a beautiful rose,we know we are seeing the rose,we are neither satisfied nor satisfied with it,the thing we see is just the conditions,it's just the way it is.It's not permanent,it's changing,it's non-self.
When the sound contact with our ears,we know we are hearing,we have no clinging to it if we are satisfied or unsatisfied with it.It happens by the conditions,it's arising,changing and over.It's non-self,it's impermanent.
When the smell contacts your nose,either it's pleasant or unpleasant smell,no grasping if it's satisfied or unsatisfied,it's just the way it is,it's impermanent and non-self.
When the tongue or the mouth has a contact with taste,it's delicious or not delicious,no grasping if it's satisfied or unsatisfied,it's just the way it is,it's changing,impermanent,non-self.
And very importantly,when the thought contacts with the memory in the past with the person you lost,you may have spent sometimes with her or him,no grasping that experience as if it's satisfied or unsatisfied,it's just the way it is,it's changing,impermanent,non-self.
The explanation about vipassana you can learn more from the master in Buddhism for the deeper and better understanding,what I explained to you is just the basis of vipassana,it may not deep nor profound enough.I will put a video link of meditation and vipassana by the master of Buddhism here and you can learn from that.
The benefits of meditation we can learn from the living persons in the world who was survived by the help of meditation like:
A soccer team,12 boys and the coach were trapped in a cave in the north of Thailand a few years ago,they stayed in the cave over 10 days,they had nothing to eat,no space to lie down,they sat on the rock surrounded with water,no light,the cave was totally dark 24 hours and it's cold.They were all struck by fear,worries,stress,and they finally overcame all of the emotions with meditation,the coach was a Buddhist monk and he taught the boys to meditate and the all survived.To lose someone you love is like to get trapped in a cave,you may have mistaken there is no way to get out of the dark cave of grief  ,but there is the way,you will survive and you will surely survive stronger.You will be the light to others who suffer the same fate you had experienced before.
A Thai scientist,Dr. Art-ong Jumsai na Ayutthaya,who helped NASA landing the spacecrafts, Viking1 and Viking2 on mars arounnd  40 years ago,he said he did it by the help of meditation.
He went to study in England when he was 10 years old,he fought with his classmate with Thai boxing almost every day.He was the bottom of the class,second to the bottom,third to the bottom throughout the first 5 years.Then,he was ashamed to behave the same thing everyday,he try to change himself by meditating 30 minutes a day.After a month,when the friends scolded to him,no more Thai boxing,he smiled back instead,he forgave them.After a year,he was top for every subject,and was awarded by the prime minister of England-then to be the most outstanding student in science and religion.After that,he went to study in Cambridge University for engineering,after 2 years in the university,one day a professor came to see him and said don't come here anymore, you know everything.He received Bachelor's Degree and Master Degree in 2 years.Then,he went to study in Imperial College of London for Doctorte Degree of engineering,he meditated 3 hours a day,and one day he saw the pictures  in his meditation about micro wave,he knew it's something new and how to use it for communication technology.He wrote the thick thesis and presented about micro wave for the communication technology to the professor,the professor was very angry with him and said "why did you write the the the thesis?I haven't yet given you the topic".He apologized the professor and ask him to read. "Very good",said the professor,and the professor invited 5 top scientists of England to come to question him.
Dr.Art-ong said in the room,not a single question was asked,all of them just nodded,speechless,he passed flawlessly.
He came back to Bangkok to be a professor at Chulalongkorn University for engineering and went to America to find out some new knowledge for students in the university.
When he was there,NASA recruited the foreigner to design landing system of spacecraft to land on mars,because,NASA failed all the time to land it.
Dr.Art-ong applied to Nasa to help design landing system of the spcecraft,he wrote a lot of mathematic theories and did no progress after one year in the laboratory.
He decided to go up to the mountain in California and meditated on the mountain 5 days 4 nights,and he saw the pictures how to design the landing system in his meditation.He came down the mountain and designed the landing system of the spacecraft,Viking1 and Viking2,he did it sucessfully and came back to be a professor in the university again. 
You can learn more about Dr.Art-ong through his speech from a video link  I will put it in a blog,too.                         
May you be happy and joyful with meditation and vipassana.


Jirapan Subannapan

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